Love Is Finding The Right Person?

Love is becoming the right person.

It got me thinking...

Is love about finding the perfect match, or is it about becoming the best version of ourselves?

I often ponder the complexities of love. We’re told from a young age that love is about finding "the one." The person who completes us, who ticks all the boxes on our ever-growing list of requirements. But what if we’ve got it all wrong? What if true love isn't about the search, but about the transformation?

Think about it. We spend so much time and energy looking for that ideal partner, the one who will fit seamlessly into our lives and make everything better. We swipe left, swipe right, and go on countless first dates, all in the hope of finding that elusive perfect match. But in this quest, do we ever stop to consider who we are becoming in the process?

Take one of my client... She was on a relentless hunt for Mr. Right, convinced that happiness lay in finding him. Each failed relationship left her more disheartened until she decided to take a break from dating. During this hiatus, she focused on herself—her passions, her growth, her wellbeing. She learned to love herself, flaws and all. And guess what? When she least expected it, she met someone who resonated with the person she had become, not the person she was pretending to be.

Then there’s another client, who believed that love was all about the grand gesture. He went from one elaborate romantic effort to the next, thinking that was the key to winning hearts. It wasn’t until he started working on his own issues—his insecurities, his communication skills, his emotional intelligence—that he found a relationship that was built on a foundation of mutual respect and understanding.

In therapy, we often explore the concept of self-love as a precursor to healthy relationships. It's about becoming someone you love and respect, someone who attracts love not through desperation but through authenticity and self-assuredness.

So, how do we shift our focus from finding to becoming? Start by looking inward. Identify areas in your life that need nurturing. Work on your emotional health, set personal goals, and embrace your individuality. When you become the best version of yourself, you naturally attract others who appreciate and complement your journey.

True love isn't about finding someone who fits into your life perfectly; it's about becoming the person you were always meant to be, and in doing so, finding someone who aligns with that.

I can’t help but wonder: what would happen if we all stopped searching for the right person and started becoming them instead? Perhaps, the greatest love story is the one we write with ourselves, first and foremost.