You have to be able to separate how you feel about someone from how someone makes you feel.
It got me thinking...
Love is a tricky thing. It can be both the greatest source of joy and the most profound source of pain. But have you ever stopped to think about what it is you're really in love with? Is it the person, or is it the feeling they give you? On the one hand, we're taught to trust our instincts and listen to our hearts. But on the other hand, sometimes our hearts can lead us astray, and we find ourselves in relationships that make us feel less than our best. So what do we do?
In my experience, it all comes down to understanding the difference between how we feel about someone and how they make us feel.
You see, how we feel about someone is largely based on our own perceptions, beliefs, and experiences. It's a subjective evaluation of a person's qualities and character. We might think someone is funny, charming, or attractive, but those are all based on our own individual opinions. On the other hand, how someone makes us feel is much more objective. It's the result of their actions and behaviours towards us. Do they make us feel loved, appreciated, and respected? Or do they make us feel insecure, anxious, and unworthy?
The key is to be able to separate the two. Just because we feel strongly about someone doesn't necessarily mean that they are good for us. And just because someone makes us feel a certain way doesn't mean that we actually like or value them as a person.
It's a delicate balance, but an important one to maintain. We need to be able to objectively evaluate how someone treats us, and whether or not that aligns with what we want and need in a relationship. And we need to be able to recognize when our own feelings might be clouding our judgement.
Many of us fall in love with the feeling of being in love. It's the rush of dopamine and oxytocin that floods our brain when we're with someone we're attracted to. It's the thrill of the chase, the excitement of newness, and the hope that this time, it will be different. It's like we're chasing a high, rather than a person.
But the problem with falling in love with the feeling is that it's often short-lived. The initial rush of attraction fades, and we're left with the reality of who the person actually is. And sometimes, that reality isn't quite as appealing as the feeling we had when we first met them.
On the other hand, falling in love with the person - flaws and all - is a much deeper and more sustainable form of love. It's about seeing the person for who they really are, accepting them as they are, and loving them in spite of their imperfections.
But why do we sometimes fall for the feeling rather than the person? Psychology can help shed some light on this phenomenon. Research has shown that falling in love activates the same neural pathways in the brain as addiction. When we're in love, we crave the rush of dopamine and oxytocin that comes with being with that person. We become addicted to the feeling, and we'll do anything to keep it going - even if it means ignoring red flags or settling for less than we deserve.
So how do we break free from this cycle of loving the feeling rather than the person? The first step is to be honest with ourselves about what we're really looking for. Are we seeking a quick thrill, or are we looking for something deeper and more meaningful?
The second step is to be willing to accept the person for who they are, flaws and all. This means letting go of the fantasy of the perfect partner and embracing the reality of the imperfect one.
And finally, it means being willing to do the hard work of building a sustainable, long-lasting relationship. This means being willing to communicate openly and honestly, to compromise, and to work through the inevitable ups and downs that come with any relationship.
So the next time you find yourself falling for the feeling rather than the person, take a step back and ask yourself what it is you're really looking for. And remember, true love is about seeing the person for who they really are, accepting them as they are, and loving them in spite of their imperfections.
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