There Is No Need to Repeat Yourself: I Ignored You Just Fine the First Time

Why repeat yourself when silence has already spoken volumes?

It got me thinking...

As I sit at my desk, sipping a cup of chamomile tea that promises tranquility I know it won’t deliver, I’m struck by how often life nudges us to repeat ourselves: whether it’s a text we feel compelled to resend, a point we hammer home in a meeting, or an emotional need we restate to a loved one. But why do we keep trying to repackage what was already ignored? Is it persistence? Hope? Or just plain masochism?

Psychologically speaking, humans are wired for connection. When we feel unheard, our instinct is to escalate. It’s like raising your voice in a crowded café, hoping someone, anyone will notice. But here’s the kicker: sometimes, the silence we’re trying to fill is intentional. Ignoring is an artful dodge, not an accidental oversight.

Take my client, Sophia. She’s a marketing executive who prides herself on clear communication. Sophia was in a situationship with a guy who had mastered the art of “accidental ignoring.” You know the type: slow replies, vague answers, and the occasional breadcrumb to keep you hanging on. She’d send a text like, “Hey, want to grab dinner Friday?” and when Friday came and went without a response, she’d follow up with, “Just checking if Friday worked for you!”

Her inbox? Crickets.

During a session, I asked her, “Sophia, if you walked into a room and someone didn’t look up from their phone, would you say hello again?”

She laughed, “No, of course not.”

“Then why do we keep texting people who are clearly emotionally scrolling elsewhere?”

And maybe, just maybe, it’s because repetition feels like a lifeline. It’s not about being needy; it’s about being human. But Sophia had to learn that being ignored isn’t an invitation to double down. It’s a message in itself.

Then there’s Mark, a self-proclaimed peacemaker in his family. His sister would snap at him during holiday dinners, and instead of letting it slide, he’d revisit the argument days later. “I just want her to understand my side,” he explained.

“Mark,” I said, “what if she already heard you loud and clear but chose not to care?”

The realization hit him like a turkey to the face.

When someone ignores us, whether it’s a partner, a family member, or a colleague, it’s tempting to interpret the silence as a challenge. But sometimes, silence is the response. It’s like yelling at a brick wall. Sure, you can keep doing it, but the wall isn’t going to reply.

That’s the secret to reclaiming our power. We stop repeating ourselves, not because we’ve given up, but because we’ve decided we deserve better. Better than breadcrumbs, better than one-sided arguments, better than trying to twist ourselves into a pretzel to be seen.

If someone ignored you the first time, trust that they got the message. Your voice doesn’t lose its value when it goes unheard. You’re still worth listening to.

So, the next time you feel the urge to send that follow-up text or explain yourself "just one more time",  ask yourself this: Am I raising my voice for someone who’s already turned down the volume?

And maybe, just maybe, that’s when you’ll decide to save your energy for someone who leans in instead of tuning out.