We give it meaning through our perceptions and our actions.
It got me thinking...
I once read that we’re all just meaning-making machines—constantly assigning significance to everything from the way our barista smiles at us in the morning to the random coincidences that seem to dot the path of our lives. But why? Why do we feel this burning need to believe that everything must have a meaning? What if I told you that life’s events don’t come with pre-set instructions? Instead, we give it meaning through our perceptions and our actions.
As a therapist, this question of meaning comes up often. It’s like we're all playing a cosmic game of connect-the-dots, hoping that when we step back, the image is clear, tidy, and significant. But what if the meaning is less about what's given to us and more about what we create?
From a psychological standpoint, meaning-making is at the core of human cognition. Research shows that people are hardwired to seek patterns, purpose, and explanations for the events in their lives. According to Viktor Frankl, the father of logotherapy, meaning is essential for human survival. Frankl argued that we create meaning through our experiences, even (or especially) in the face of suffering.
When we can attach meaning to life’s challenges—whether it’s overcoming a breakup, grieving a loss, or even navigating everyday stress—we can better cope and thrive. Meaning provides a framework, a narrative, that helps us make sense of the chaos around us.
Take my client, Anna (not her real name). She came to me after a breakup, devastated and trying to understand why it had happened. “What’s the meaning of all this pain?” she asked. At first, she clung to the idea that there must be a deeper reason—maybe it was fate, maybe there was a lesson she was supposed to learn.
Through our sessions, Anna slowly began to see that meaning wasn’t something handed down from the universe. Instead, she started to shape her own meaning through how she responded. She focused on what the relationship taught her about herself—her needs, boundaries, and desires. In essence, the meaning of her heartbreak wasn’t found in the event itself, but in her perception and growth afterward.
Research in cognitive psychology has long demonstrated that our perceptions shape our reality. What we believe about an event often matters more than the event itself. In one study, participants who were primed to perceive stressful situations as growth opportunities reported lower stress levels than those who viewed stress as a threat. The way we perceive and frame our experiences determines the meaning we attach to them.
Case in point: Another client, Mark, was feeling unfulfilled at work, despite being successful. He believed that his job had no meaning, and he was struggling to find motivation. After some introspection, Mark realized that his sense of meaning came not from the job title or paycheck but from helping his team grow. By reframing his perception, he found new purpose in mentoring his colleagues, and suddenly, his work felt more meaningful—even though the job itself hadn’t changed.
The search of meaning in the mundane…it's like searching for beauty in an old Polaroid. At first glance, it’s faded, maybe even blurry, but the longer you stare, the more details emerge—the nuances, the moments you didn’t notice before. It’s not that the beauty wasn’t there; you just needed to adjust your focus. Meaning works the same way. It’s not given to you in bold letters or grand gestures; it’s tucked away in the little things, the everyday actions, waiting to be uncovered through your own lens.
While perception is the lens through which we view meaning, action is the brush that paints it. Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson’s broaden-and-build theory suggests that when we engage in positive actions—like nurturing relationships, setting goals, or helping others—we create lasting meaning and emotional resilience. Meaning isn't just what happens to us; it’s how we respond.
For example, take Sarah, who found herself constantly stuck in toxic relationships. She kept asking, “Why does this keep happening to me? What’s the point?” We worked on shifting her narrative from one of victimhood to empowerment. By taking conscious actions—setting stronger boundaries and focusing on self-care—Sarah began to feel in control of her life again. Through her actions, she was able to craft new meaning out of a previously painful cycle.
The idea that everything must have a predefined meaning can be comforting, but it’s also an illusion. Waiting for life to hand you a purpose is like waiting for someone to write your life story for you. The truth is, we are the authors of our own lives, constantly editing and rewriting the meaning of our experiences.
The more we try to find meaning in everything, the more we miss the opportunity to create meaning through our choices, actions, and perspectives.
At the end of the day, meaning isn’t something we stumble upon—it’s something we assign. The magic happens when we stop looking for it and start creating it.
So, the next time you find yourself searching for the meaning behind life’s twists and turns, remember: meaning is less about what happens to you, and more about how you choose to perceive and act on it.
In the words of one of my clients, "Maybe the meaning isn’t something I find; maybe it’s something I’ve been making all along."
Now that’s the kind of self-discovery that gives meaning to this whole human experience, don’t you think?
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