You Meet People At The Same Psychological Wound as You.

You also leave people behind if you evolve and they haven't been able to keep up.

It got me thinking....

I couldn’t help but wonder: do we attract people who mirror our deepest psychological wounds, only to leave them behind as we heal?

As I sit in my cozy office, my laptop humming softly, I reflect on the people who come in and out of our lives. It's fascinating to consider that we often connect with others at our most vulnerable points, sharing similar scars and traumas. These bonds, forged in mutual understanding and shared pain, can be incredibly strong. Yet, as we grow and evolve, these connections sometimes weaken. Why? Because we’re no longer operating from the same place of hurt.

It's like this: you meet someone when you're both nursing similar wounds, finding comfort in each other's familiarity. Maybe it’s that post-breakup friend who understands your heartbreak perfectly or the colleague who shares your anxiety about a demanding boss. There's an unspoken agreement of mutual support and empathy.

But then, one day, you start to heal. You’ve done the work—therapy, self-reflection, new hobbies, whatever it takes to move forward. Suddenly, the conversations that once bonded you now feel stagnant. You realize that while you’ve been evolving, your friend is still stuck in the same cycle of pain.

Take one of my client. She met her best friend during a particularly rough patch in her life. They were inseparable, sharing their woes and supporting each other through thick and thin. But as she began to heal and grow, she noticed that her friend remained in a loop of negativity and self-pity. Their once inseparable bond started to feel like an anchor, holding my client back from her newfound growth.

Then there’s this other client who found solace in a friend during his struggle with addiction. They leaned on each other, understanding the unique challenges they faced. But as he worked through his recovery, embracing a healthier lifestyle, his friend continued to relapse. My client had to make the tough decision to distance himself for his own well-being.

In therapy, we often talk about the importance of surrounding ourselves with people who reflect our aspirations, not just our wounds. It’s about recognizing when a relationship has run its course and having the courage to move on, even if it means leaving someone behind. This isn’t about abandoning those we care about but acknowledging that growth sometimes requires separation.

So, how do we navigate this delicate balance? By maintaining compassion while also setting boundaries. It’s possible to support someone from a distance, offering encouragement without getting dragged back into the cycle you’ve worked so hard to break free from.

I carry with me a deeper understanding of the fluidity of relationships. We meet people at our psychological wounds, but we must be willing to leave them behind if they can’t keep up with our growth. I can’t help but wonder: how many people in our lives are here for a season, and how many for a lifetime? Perhaps, the real journey is learning to discern the difference and embracing the changes that come with growth.